July 12, 2008

My Life As A Zombie

How those zombies can break it down effortlessly in the Thriller video is beyond me. Coming back from the dead is very hard.

I'm struggling with what to expect and what to accept right now. Since I'm no longer hunched over in gassy pain every moment and I have the energy to turn the pedals, it's hard for me to accept my worst times ever. I know people use the words "ever" and "never" much to loosely, but I can honestly say the a 42.5 and a 14.3 are both my worst times on the track in an important event- ever. My first ever 500m. was at AVC in 2001 and I think I did a 41.7. And I've only been over 14 seconds in the 200 on a couple of Friday nights- but never anything that has ever been recorded. Ugh. Not that you need this little nugget of information, but I lost my first sprint today, then got 3rd out of 3 in the rep ride for the sprints. I've never not been on the podium locally in the match sprints for state championships.

My big track family has been AMAZING! Everyone reminding me that I'm pretty much coming back from the dead, that I've had about a month of no training, that I've lost a large amount of muscle in 10 pounds, that I'm just now retaining any calories, and that I should go easy on myself. And I'm really trying. Some have listened to me unload more than they've expected, having an ear turned and just the moment when I'm about to lose it mentally. But I am so grateful that I have people in my racing life that support me and are only trying to encourage and love me, even when I'm so down.

I've had to melt quietly, which has made me a bit of a poor sport lately. My training girls- Amelia, Meg, Emily, and Camille are shaping up so well. Amelia ROCKED at 40 second 500m. last night and made a sweet move on me today. But I'm so wrapped up in my own pity, that I can't even be a good enough sport to congratulate her. And Jen ran a low 39 second. I did have the energy to talk to her last night though. And Meg discovered a big gear today for the keiren. I love watching her become so confident and strong this year. Emily, not a big sprinting fan, took the day to watch some bike racing. She'll kill it tomorrow.

I know its going to get better, but I've never been patient. I have to find a way to suck up the pity and put on a good face and be happy with whatever happens next weekend.

Here's an amazing picture that says a lot. Interpret as you will. Steven Beardsley's dad, Sam sent it to me today. So there I sit, with my national jersey on- from "back in the day." Meanwhile my bike chills patiently, waiting to go fast. "Gee mom," she says, "bring it back already!"


Gilby said...

Talk about discouraging: your worst times rival my best. :P You have too much talent & motivation not to get back to where you were and beyond, so hang in there!

Casey said...

great pic V-Berg...

stoked to hear you are liken' the bike more again.